Mosaic Mess

Feeling relentless
In the middle of my sadness
How does one piece back together a broken heart?
The world makes heartbreak caused by someone else seem as if it's the worst thing in the world,
When in reality the worst heartbreak is caused by oneself


Hot tears run rapidly down my face
I stare blankly into the shining stars in the sky
As I feel my heart drop and break into miniature pieces
Oh my dear heart is in distress
Without any consolation in sight
A cloud of torment seizes my mind
Can I make a beautiful mosaic out my brokenness?

Falling into my knees
I'm pleading for one more chance
One more chance to redeem myself
I don't want to be a prisoner of the pain within me anymore
I know I'm a mess, full of flaws, I know I've messed up so much
I don't know who I am anymore
The person that stares back in the mirror, isn't someone I recognize

Breathing isn't enough to be considered as living
Just like smiling doesn't equal happiness
I could be dying and still be laughing

I just want to be okay
I just want to breathe again
I just want to be able to have true happiness
I just want....inner peace

Maybe one day, soon enough, I'll be able to find it all
I beg for strength to keep on fighting
To see the past the pain and follow the light
May I see the good through the darkness that overwhelms me
Until then I'll be on be a beautiful broken mess

One Day

I once fell lost and alone thinking that I would never be able to find happiness,

I was sucked into a world full of darkness.
The endless pain was unbearable,
Breathing, walking, talking but contaminated with a disease.
A disease called  a broken heart.
So far I hadn't been able to heal those wounds,
Instead I kept getting into feuds.

They say that things get easier,
That time heals all things.
That's a lie.
It worsens with time,
Little by little you begin to die.
Scrutinizing pain evolving your whole body, mind and soul,
Hoping that the remaining pieces can be sewn.

Where is God?
Where are you now?
If you exist then why do you make me suffer?
Why are you tormenting me?
Are you even real?
Why am I here?
I have so little to live for.

Submerged in those rhetorical questions the pain, the cluelessness only deepened.
Sorrow becomes a faithful companion,
Tears become a necessity,
The pillow becomes a best friend.

Love.
Peace.
Happiness.
Nowhere to be found.

No God didn't save me,
No He didn't give me happiness,
No He didn't come into my life.

He was always there with me all along,
It was I that never bothered to believe in Him,
It was I that hadn't gone to His arms when I was discomforted,
It was I that gave my back to Him,
It was I that hadn't given my life to Him.

But that one day,
I gave my life to Him,
It was then that He had permission to be in my life.

One day: I found happiness.

Let go

Why are you so promiscuous with me darling?

Why are you so cynical?

Why are you so pessimist?

I'm hanging on a thread,

And I'm skeptical of the fact if you can actually lead.

You tell me "I love you" and you embrace me in your arms,

But love doesn't leave you with loneliness.

Why darling why must you hurt me,

I've done nothing but love you.

Can't see straight,

I've lost all my strength.

Can't you see I'm grief stricken?

You've hurt me in the most cruel way my darling.

I want you but my heart is being taken,

It's a feeling so alien like that it's startling. 

Oh honey you left me heart sore,

A wound so deep inside my soul.

It goes down into my core,

You committed a life foul. 

You shattered my poor heart,

Threw a poisonous dart.

I thought I loved you,

But I misunderstood my obsession.

What I had for you wasn't love,

It was mere possession.

I've set you free,

Because I'm a better me without you. 

Darling I hold no malevolence,

My heart doesn't hold malice.

You left me heartbroken with your bitterness,

But now I've found happiness.

I had to let you go to make space for something new,

Something that I didn't know. 

I've found true Love from up above,

Now I live in grace.

Darling I wish the best for you,

Darling I wish happiness for you, 

Darling take care.

 Why?

I've let you go from my life.

I received bigger blessings because I set you free.

All you caused me was grievance,

But now I have peace.

Darling thank you,

Thank you for teaching me a life lesson,

To let go.

Fly High

See me fly sky high

Even when it seems like it ain’t possible

This world is full of woe

I look around and see sorrow in people’s faces

Looks like everyone is going through phrases

The young are wild and uncontrollable

Popppin’ them pills like there’s no tomorrow

Yet wonder why they feel so empty afterwards

Popularity is the priority

Cliques; nothing but a sorority

Babies having babies

Saying it’s “aight” b/c they’re mature enough 

Don’t even think how difficult it might be though

Clueless

But with a mask of fearless

Why though?

Trying to hide the scars marked inside they’re soul

As if they’re soul were already sold

It troubles my soul as I see such scrutinizing pain inside they’re eyes

While they perform a play they don’t belong to

Society puts expectations

And it doesn’t make exceptions

Suicide rates grow each day because of it

Outcasts can’t fit in to society

Bullying affirms it

While others fake to fit in

The world makes a different individual feel miserable

Individuality is considered absurd

But it doesn’t have to be that way

Believers in Jesus are out casted and judged

Mocked for assuming they’re faith

Even though they’re mocked they’ll always have what the world lacks

Happiness, peace, joy, and inner happiness

They don’t have to pretend anything b/c God suffices all they’re needs

That’s why I say,

Mock me

Bully me

Laugh at me

Do whatever you want

B/c at the end of the day I’m not void like they are

I’m a believer

I’m unashamed of Jesus Christ 

They’ll see me fly sky high

Even when it seems impossible

For I have God on my side

In Her Shoes

I ounce saw a plain girl,

She seemed so distant yet so attentive.

“Happiness seemed so far away,

No roads, no paths, I just couldn’t find a way.

Something so simple,

Yet so unbelievable.

Hope, hope is a funny word”,

She told me.

“Hope is like telling a fish it can fly,

Like pointing at the stars at night hoping you’ll be able to touch them.”

She gave me a look of despair,

As if she didn’t have a repair.

Eyes so sad they darkened,

Lips so dry they trembled,          

Face in such agony that it twisted.

“Go party they said, it’ll be fun they said.

Tell him yes they said, it’ll be fine they said.

Cut yourself I said. It’ll ease the pain I said,”

Her words cut with irony,

She smiled in mockery,

But it wasn’t even funny.

I observed how sorrow penetrated her soul,

A vulnerability took over my being.

To desperately want to help this woeful girl,

I wanted to stop her mournful state,

Unfortunately I couldn’t.

That girl was me.

Like a hero Christ came and he rescued me,

Took away my chains,

Cleansed my shame,

Forgave my sins,

And my every mistake.

Now I’m turnt,

I’m not who I used to be.

Because I’m brand new in Christ.